Drive-in Trailers: Melt Movies

Back once more to the silver screen. Or perhaps the green screen. There's a bit of yellow there, too...wait, what part of your body was yell--you know what? I don't need to know. The point is, you're a puddle of goop on the floor now with nowhere else to go but down.

Melt horror, probably one of the most obscure subgenres out there, I didn't even know it existed until I got a little too much into a Street Trash streaming group the other night. Man, the 80s were jam-packed with some of the best physical effects. Melt horror is the goriest, grossest, and best of the lot, incorporating puppetry, fake slime, blood, you name it...all in the most gruesome, entertaining ways. So, without further ado, let's pay tribute to these awful cult classics with a list of trailers (and maybe start off with a fake short film I think you'll enjoy).

Drive-in Trailers: Road Tripping

It's been ages since we've had a drive-in trailer entry, so here goes. Next week (Halloween),
I'll be road-tripping with a couple of friends to a convention in Galveston. In honor of said trip,
let's explore the horrific events that might occur, if we take a detour, pick up a hitch-hiker, or decide to make a pit stop...

Note: The Manos one is a fan-made trailer...but it's so perfect...I had to include it.

Horror Flick of the Week: Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Hey gang, looks like yet another year of Cryptkeeping madness for me. So I decided I'd start it off with tossing out a nice little classic slasher suggestion. If you haven't seen it and don't know how it ends, for the love of god DON'T look it up. You'll ruin the fun. Even if you do know, though, give the movie a watch anyway.

The acting is odd. It's a combination between decent actors on one side and god-awful Troma-level actors on the other. Somehow it comes together well enough to be an entertaining little romp best coupled with Friday the 13th. Now don't get me wrong...it's nowhere near as good as F13, so you might want to watch it first. You might also want to avoid sending any kids you might have now or some day off to summer camp too...

Spooky Music Videos

I was in the mood for some music today, but not JUST music. I was in the mood for music and movies...and horror. It's hard to find a good balance with all three of those, considering the disturbing lack of enough horror rock operas to sate my palatte. I can't keep watching the same ones over and over, after all. So I decided to draw up a quick list...of awesome spooky and creepy music videos. And who better to share them with than my beloved readers?

Just a quick warning, a few of these may be somewhat gross. And contain nudity. Mostly that 4th one, which I honestly am not too terribly surprised about...it's Dir En Grey. Others may be severely campy.

Also, some of these videos are hosted by the creators, and I highly suggest you check them out if you really enjoyed their videos.

Horror Flick of the Week: Pet Sematary (1989)

Sometimes this one gets a bad wrap. Mostly from people who expect 90% of good cinema doesn't date itself, which is just silly. One thing I love about this movie, is that it's just about the closest adaptation of a Stephen King book I've ever seen (from the ones I've read, that is.) Not to mention the child actor who played Gage (Miko Hughes) was incredibly disturbing as he transitioned from the role of an innocent baby to basically a demonically-possessed corpse. It's also deliciously campy in a way modern horror directors tend to forget can be a good thing when done right.

This movie is a collection of great moments. The concept alone makes for a pretty spooky story:
- An old burial ground that resurrects whatever is buried there, in a manner of speaking, and sends them on soul-less rampages to destroy whoever the living person might have cherished.
- A wise old man with dark knowledge of the Pet Sematary's past, played by none other than Fred Gwynne (otherwise famous for his role as Herman Munster).
- An evil cat.
- An even more evil child.
- The compulsion to return to this forbidden place and try your luck again, knowing full well nothing good can come of it.
- And also a daughter conveniently forgotten who apparently has visions of the future.

I mean, Pet Sematary has a lot going for it, if you're looking for something to watch alone or with friends on a stormy night. And that's why it's the horror flick of the week.

Horror Flick of the Week: Scanners (1981)

Cronenberg. Great actor? Absolutely not. Amazing director? You bet your ass he is. I honestly can't think of one of his films that could be remade, an even come close to matching how fun (and often times disturbing) his movies are. Scanners is not my favorite on the list, but I do enjoy it, and I do think it's worth checking out for anybody with a love of physical effects.

In his movies, there tends to be a distaste for authority, for those in control of the big picture. But what made me pick Scanners for this week's featured film? Part of it is the fact that it will be playing at Alamo Drafthouse in New Braunfels on May 12, and it's really worth seeing if you get the chance. The other part is because sometimes you've just got to figure out a way to get your non-horror friends to watch a horror movie. As far as campy classics go, this one is tame enough for the novice, and still wild enough to be entertaining.

80s Horror Posters

Today I decided to share some pretty graphics, and what better decade for interesting horror posters and movie covers than the golden age of camp? The 80s!

Horror Flick of the Week: They Live (1988)

Often, when I want to judge whether or not someone would be the perfect movie buddy, I ask them how to finish this line: 'I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...' If their immediate response is not 'and I'm all out of bubblegum', then we've got some serious issues and they've got some serious self-reflection to do.

Namely, they should ask themselves why the HELL they haven't seen one of the campiest of the campy classics, 'They Live'?!

In order to perhaps prevent others from an awkward moment such as this in the future, when seeking movie buddies for horror nights, I suggest anybody who hasn't seen 'They Live' to immediately buy a pair of sunglasses and a copy of this movie. Also, any fan of classic wrestling I guess...because Rowdy Roddy Piper.

I guess I might as well give you a quick summary too, because it can't all be gushing and criticism towards the unwashed masses, you've got to know what you're walking in to. So, straight from IMDB, here's the basic story: A drifter discovers a pair of sunglasses that allow him to wake up to the fact that aliens have taken over the Earth.

Simple, fun, and oh so deliciously campy...

The political subtext behind this film about poverty and brainwashing of the masses is so thick, it frankly isn't subtext at all. But when you talk to other people about it, as with any pretentious horror buff, you've got to bring up the 'subtext.' You just have to. Not to mention...greatest street fight scene of all time? I think so.

Drive-in Trailers: Weird Science

Plastic tubes and pots and pans, bits and pieces and magic from the hand...yadda yadda yadda. Let's be honest, nobody understands the misunderstood genius. That's why they end up wreaking havoc on villagers and/or countrysides with their creations. Well, they also tend to be evil. There's that too. Whether it's a gold bikini or a disembodied head, though...I think we can all agree mad scientists are pretty creepy. Yes, Woody Allen isn't a horror director, but you really can't forget the mad scientist in that one...

Book(s) of the Week: Ghost Mansion

Another little novel I found floating around at a library book sale, this story was an enjoyable read. Perhaps enjoyable isn't the right word. It was a disturbing spiral leading the reader witness to an unstoppable descent into death and madness. So that's why it's the book of the week.

The especially intriguing part is how the 'ghosts' in this book are approached. Unique. Disturbing. Unlike anything I have personally read before, and shouldn't think would be allowed on the modern theatrical screen (no matter how modern it gets.) I won't go into any extra details about these gruesome specters, but suffice it to say I'd rather encounter Pezuzu on a bender before I stepped foot into this house. No matter how pretty the interiors are.

This is a book for a couple of quiet and lonely evenings with nothing but a small lamp (or perhaps candle) to illuminate the words. It's a good thing, too, because you're got 5 days until Halloween to go grab this little gem from an obscure backwoods book store.

Horror Flick of the Week: Ghostbusters (1984)

Re-watching this film for our upcoming podcast episode, I was reminded that this is just a fun movie. Sure, it may not be as niche as Sugar Hill, and certainly not as dark as Dagon...but not all horror movies are made alike. Some are horror comedy, some are more kid-friendly. Barring the sexy times between the keymaster and the gatekeeper, you've got yourself a pretty solid (and enjoyable) kid-friendly movie here.

Sure, some of the effects are dated. It's hard to find a movie more than 6 years old that doesn't have dated SFX...but I'm still a bit more intrigued by the stop-motion statues than I would have been if they were cgi monsters.

It spawned two cartoon series, a mega cache of merchandise (I've got a Slimer doll tucked away on my shelf right now) and even got itself a tidy little lawsuit from Huey Lewis, which ultimately got settled out of court.

It's a good weekend picture. It's a good movie to watch with kids. It's a good movie to watch with friends. Ghostbusters (and the sequel) are ultimately just good movies, and worth re-watching every couple of years. I'll save further opinions for our upcoming podcast, but I think it's fairly obvious I won't have much negative to say about it.

Horror Flick of the Week: The Fly 2 (1989)

Maybe it's because the movie came out the year I was born, maybe it's because I think Eric Stoltz was incredibly cute in this movie. Whatever the reason, I actually prefer this sequel to the remake than the first part.

This is a very good late-night movie, as most of my favorites tend to be. When you're hardly awake, and your body gives you the option of immediately falling asleep when your head hits the pillow, or to just chill out in front of the tv flipping through the weird stations you don't bother with during the day. I saw this when I was 12, which was actually the most active late-night movie year in my life.

The combination of atmosphere, setting, and the sheer isolation the protagonist faces dealing with his 'affliction'...it's just the perfect formula for a fun horror film. Not to mention it came out right at the peak of incredibly horror SFX before the decline in the mid-90s as the people were discovering they much preferred really bad CGI to the look of actual visceral horror. Can you tell I'm bitter? Yes, I'm bitter.

There is something in the film too, which I think a lot of horror directors today have forgotten about, and even most non-horror directors. I actually felt for the characters, sympathy. There's of course room for the anti-hero in a well-written screenplay, but I don't think it is ever nearly as powerful as caring about what happens to him/her when you're watching a movie. It makes the next terrible moment actually terrible, and in The Fly 2, there are so many little (and a couple of major) moments that legitimately make me sad every time I watch this, and enhance the power of the more gruesome moments.

With that in mind, if you are an animal lover, the kind who can not handle bad things happening to sweet little pets...maybe you should stay away from this movie.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, guys! Today, I thought I’d just feature a few awesome fan-made music videos from youtube, just to get everybody in the mood for tonight’s festivities. Whether you’re going to a haunted house, taking your kids trick or treating, actively trick or treating, or even just sitting home and watching a movie.

Horror Flick of the Week: Student Bodies

Don’t let the online ratings fool you! This movie is terrible. Wait, that’s exactly what the online reviews say…okay, let me rephrase this. Don’t let the online ratings ‘deter’ you, or the fact that almost every single cast member involved with this movie didn’t want to receive any credit whatsoever for it.

It’s cheesy, raunchy, stupid, funny, at times painful…and fantastic. Fantastic in that everyone pretty much knows what they’re in is stupid, and they’re all adults…but they aren’t above acting like children, or milking DUMB gags until they’re crying for mercy. Believe it or not, this was pretty unique for it’s time. Way ahead of Scary Movie, with considerably less drug jokes. It’s a direct parody of Slasher, which wasn’t a completely formed genre yet. Coming out of the age of Grindhouse ‘masterpieces’, this film was made at the perfect time.

Honestly, completely sober, I feel drunk when I watch this. So if you think about it, I saved a lot of money sitting through Student Bodies. You could too! Unless you prefer to appreciate films merely for the sake of art and brilliance, or you’re too highly evolved for juvenile humor and pre-marital sex.

The main premise is that a serial killer called ‘Breather’ kills teenagers who have sex, usually with unique methods…like vegetables…and horse-head bookends. Meanwhile, there’s a lot of teenagers having sex all over the place. Don’t forget the janitor, Malvert, who’s actually a lot more funny and terrifying than the Breather (which is saying something. The Breather is hilarious.) The secondary premise is that everyone’s an idiot. Like Airplane…with a serial killer.

Horror Flick of the Week: Waxwork

As I'm sure you're all aware, anything crafted to look like a human being is creepy. Anything crafted to look like a human being that actually comes pretty close is really creepy. Anything crafted to look like a human being that comes to life and actually sucks you into another dimension, then effectively murders you and entraps your soul in a similar form...well, that one is great for a film plot.

Forgiving the quality of the trailer, the dvd and vhs are a little better. There are so many movies out there with wax museums as the main focus of the horror, but this is the only one I'm aware of where it's not just people being murdered and having their bodies hidden in the figures...it's people being sucked into the world's of the creatures, and turning into wax sculptures if they die there. It's a delicious piece of 80s camp I could watch a hundred times or more, and probably have, now that I think about it.

It starts with a man being murdered and robbed, to the tune of some classic swing, and from there the adventure begins. Mark, played by the amazingly awesome Zach Galligan, also known as the defeater of the gremlin army, having an intimate breakfast with his mother. Maybe it's just the length of the table and the obnoxious centerpiece talking, but I gather they aren't too close...

Then we meet Mark's ex-girlfriend, China, who to put it bluntly...is a bit promiscuous. She's chatting it up with the good girl Sarah, when suddenly...

This place appears out of nowhere, then-

OH GOD, IT'S DAVID WARNER! This isn't good...especially not when he invites them to come to his waxwork that night...

The low budget is a given, and there are very minor outdoor moments with some shaky camera-work...but only really if you're looking. My point being I'm not here to pick at the bad bits, only talk about the awesome ones. This movie...is the good side of 80s camp. The sequel is also pretty epic, too. In fact, I'd advise you to watch both. Seriously, they're absolutely amazing. Here, I'll throw in some extra pictures for you, just in case the point hasn't been driven home yet...