Horror Flick of the Week: Nightmare Castle (1965)

It is no secret that a disgustingly high number of classic films, and especially Italian ones, found themselves butchered terribly in their transitions to the American screen. I've heard Nightmare Castle is no exception, but if you're looking for the full version, you can find it under the title of 'The Faceless Monster'. The discrepancy is 11 minutes. Pacing and I believe a bit of violence being the key missing bits...

However, I am not necesarilly a purist about these things. Because I can still enjoy it on its own if I haven't seen the original first, and that's why I'd recommend Nightmare Castle to any fan of B movies, Italian Gothic horror, Bava-esque settings, and of course...Barbara Steele. The one and only.

Throughout this film, I found myself mostly appreciating the set...the house...the costumes...and the fact that it really wasn't as slow as some people would have you believe. Especially if you're used to the sort of dragging elements Italian cinema is especially known for, the general classic philosophy of their filmmaking being that 'cinema is about the art and the experience, not the plot or the philosophy of being concise.' Taking that into consideration, there's quite a bit of plot in this that you wouldn't otherwise expect. A mad scientist tortures his adulterous wife to death, uses her blood to youthen their maid (who is obviously his dish on the side), then marries her step (or half) sister to get the family property and fortune...did I mention Barbara Steele is in dual roles? Barbara Steele is in dual roles.

A great film for the approaching holiday season. Check it out as soon as possible, and especially if it's dark and stormy in your neck of the woods. You won't regret it.

Horror Flick of the Week: Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Hey gang, looks like yet another year of Cryptkeeping madness for me. So I decided I'd start it off with tossing out a nice little classic slasher suggestion. If you haven't seen it and don't know how it ends, for the love of god DON'T look it up. You'll ruin the fun. Even if you do know, though, give the movie a watch anyway.

The acting is odd. It's a combination between decent actors on one side and god-awful Troma-level actors on the other. Somehow it comes together well enough to be an entertaining little romp best coupled with Friday the 13th. Now don't get me wrong...it's nowhere near as good as F13, so you might want to watch it first. You might also want to avoid sending any kids you might have now or some day off to summer camp too...

Podcast, Ep. 8: Happy Halloween!

Joyous day of days, the time of year is upon us when the dead return from the graves to get drunk and eat candy. Yes, my friends. It is finally Halloween, and with Halloween (of course) comes the latest Hallowholics Anonymous podcast. This one was a doozy to get made, and unfortunately Julianne and Chris were unavailable this week. But where there's a will, Maddy got her mom to join her for this special episode dedicated to the perfect Halloween marathon. A selection of 5 films to watch this Halloween, the topic of the marathon being campy classics. We also have a special introduction and conclusion with another future co-host, Jazlaan. So sit back, relax, and listen until your heart gives out. There are also some wig care and costume tips.

Horror Flick of the Week: Ghostbusters (1984)

Re-watching this film for our upcoming podcast episode, I was reminded that this is just a fun movie. Sure, it may not be as niche as Sugar Hill, and certainly not as dark as Dagon...but not all horror movies are made alike. Some are horror comedy, some are more kid-friendly. Barring the sexy times between the keymaster and the gatekeeper, you've got yourself a pretty solid (and enjoyable) kid-friendly movie here.

Sure, some of the effects are dated. It's hard to find a movie more than 6 years old that doesn't have dated SFX...but I'm still a bit more intrigued by the stop-motion statues than I would have been if they were cgi monsters.

It spawned two cartoon series, a mega cache of merchandise (I've got a Slimer doll tucked away on my shelf right now) and even got itself a tidy little lawsuit from Huey Lewis, which ultimately got settled out of court.

It's a good weekend picture. It's a good movie to watch with kids. It's a good movie to watch with friends. Ghostbusters (and the sequel) are ultimately just good movies, and worth re-watching every couple of years. I'll save further opinions for our upcoming podcast, but I think it's fairly obvious I won't have much negative to say about it.

Horror Flick of the Week: The Fly 2 (1989)

Maybe it's because the movie came out the year I was born, maybe it's because I think Eric Stoltz was incredibly cute in this movie. Whatever the reason, I actually prefer this sequel to the remake than the first part.

This is a very good late-night movie, as most of my favorites tend to be. When you're hardly awake, and your body gives you the option of immediately falling asleep when your head hits the pillow, or to just chill out in front of the tv flipping through the weird stations you don't bother with during the day. I saw this when I was 12, which was actually the most active late-night movie year in my life.

The combination of atmosphere, setting, and the sheer isolation the protagonist faces dealing with his 'affliction'...it's just the perfect formula for a fun horror film. Not to mention it came out right at the peak of incredibly horror SFX before the decline in the mid-90s as the people were discovering they much preferred really bad CGI to the look of actual visceral horror. Can you tell I'm bitter? Yes, I'm bitter.

There is something in the film too, which I think a lot of horror directors today have forgotten about, and even most non-horror directors. I actually felt for the characters, sympathy. There's of course room for the anti-hero in a well-written screenplay, but I don't think it is ever nearly as powerful as caring about what happens to him/her when you're watching a movie. It makes the next terrible moment actually terrible, and in The Fly 2, there are so many little (and a couple of major) moments that legitimately make me sad every time I watch this, and enhance the power of the more gruesome moments.

With that in mind, if you are an animal lover, the kind who can not handle bad things happening to sweet little pets...maybe you should stay away from this movie.

For a Gory Cause: The Mortuary Collection

Back again gang with a new kickstarter that just has me UNBELIEVABLY excited. 13 days to go and still a little over 10k left. This is a cute throwback to the camp of the 80s, and looks like it could be another excellent anthology. You all know how much I love those anthologies.

I'll just quote the page for you: "An eccentric mortician spins four twisted tales of madness and the macabre in a sleepy New England town where nothing is as it seems."

If this at all interests you, please check this link out. They've even got an awesome video.

Horror Flick of the Week: Love Bites (1993)

When I was about 4, I had a small blue trunk. I would prop the trunk up in my room and climb inside it, pretending I was a vampire. I’d spend several minutes inside preparing myself to rise from the dead in a proper fashion, but I could never do it just right. Being about a foot taller than the trunk didn’t help. I don’t remember when I stopped doing this, but I’m sure I kept playing the vampire trunk game well until climbing inside the ‘coffin’ made breathing difficult.

But what does this trip down memory lane have to do with this movie? Hardly anything at all, but I was doing just this on the day I first saw Love Bites on the Sci-fi channel. No…not Syfy. This was when it happened to be a legitimate station worth watching. I curse the day someone decided it should be commonplace to take vampires out of their coffins, because I don’t think anything is so satisfying as seeing a vampire ‘rise properly’ (from the coffin, you pervert.)

Adam Ant is not the world’s greatest actor, but he makes up for any lack of talent onscreen with charm and an awesome singing voice. He doesn’t sing in this movie though, so the charm is a double serving. The result is a pretty fun horror rom-com.

Before we proceed, I'd like to say this movie is easy to find. It's not. I spent an embarrassing amount of money on a vhs copy about 6 years ago, and I still don't tell people how much I paid for it. If you see a copy for less than 20 bucks, buy it immediately. I may or may not have found a streaming version available on photobucket, too, if you're really interested in watching this.

Basically the story is about a vampire who over-sleeps, finds out his place has been not only renovated severely but that it's rented out to a young woman with basic karate defense skills, and decides he wants to be human again to experience all the futuristic wonders of the early 90s. This is where it actually gets pretty unique, because in this world, vampires can become human again if they reset their digestive systems by eating real food and getting themselves on a regular night-time sleeping schedule.

For me, Love Bites is a Halloween tradition. I just have to watch it every October, or I haven't done it right. Hopefully it can become your tradition too, if you manage to find it.

Horror Flick of the Week: Dead Alive/Braindead

Firing up my DVD player today, I thought back to when I first watched this movie. My mom was an avid horror fan, and she’d helped me pick this rental out at Hastings. I couldn’t have been more than maybe 9. This was the day my mom also gave me one of the best bits of advice I’ve ever received: do not eat and watch this film. Do not think of food while watching this film. Avoid consumption of anything before watching this…film. For those of you who may not have seen this or any of Peter Jackson’s other works, I’d advise you to heed these words.

Of course as a proud member of Nickelodeon’s first generation, I disregarded her wisdom. I thought I could handle it. I ate a chili dog the first time I saw Dead Alive (or Braindead to you non-American folks.)  I did pretty well until the custard scene…

I spent most of my childhood in small-town Texas. This may not mean much to a lot of you, but to others…you might also remember the small video rental shops tucked away at the back of those aging grocery stores. The mysterious collections of films I’d find there, I’ve yet to see at any regular video store. What attracted me to this movie was the video cover. It’s…well it’s pretty freaking awesome. It’s also pretty disturbing. The only reason my mom let me go ahead and rent it after walking past this little gem a thousand times, was because she’d seen it. A normal parent would probably have just been even more averse to letting his or her daughter watch Dead Alive alone after actually seeing the film, but go figure.

I scoff at most modern 'zombie' pictures, when I think of Dead Alive. Oh, so a virus got out and infected the populace? It's doomsday? There was a mad monkey? PLEASE. Be a bit more creative, people! I mean...this movie had rat monkeys. Ugly little bastard rat monkeys...apparently the offspring of rapist rats and innocent tree monkeys. RAT. MONKEYS.

He's got his father's charm...

So it opens with a man actually trying to transport one of these suckers to a zoo. The rat monkey gets there, unfortunately it bit off a bit more than it could chew. Wait, no. It bit off a bit more than the guy could handle. The guy bit off more than he could chew? There's a joke here somewhere.

It's the late 50s, so of course our hero has an overbearing bitch mother when we meet him. But first we meet Paquita, who's sweet on a deliveryman until her gypsy grandma reads her fortune. Might I just say that whenever Tarot cards are used in a movie, I squeal a little? There really is something epic about employing occult symbols in a horror flick. It adds to the supernatural feel of a picture.

Her fate lies not with he who brings the boxes, but he who spills the stationary.

Of course I'm taking about Lionel, the mama's boy protagonist. I'd also like to mention at this point that even though this film may have a much lower budget than LOTR or even Frighteners, it's already apparent that no matter what his funds...Peter Jackson is a damn good director and a damn good storyteller. Every angle in this film, the way the camera travels, the link from one scene to the next...it's incredibly streamlined, and quite pretty (even the wet bits with the blood and goo have their merits.)

Now that he's met Piquita, Lionel's life will never be the same. His mother thoroughly establishes herself as a control-freak before this becomes apparent, but it isn't long before the two destined lovers have a lovely trip to the zoo. Oh wait, not so lovely...because this happens to Lionel's mom before things get too steamy...

Things don't seem to be looking up for the budding romance. And just when things seem to be going back to normal for Lionel and his mother, she becomes ill...and the custard scene. The...custard scene. Honestly, I'm getting a little sick just finding good screenshots from it, so instead I'll just let your imaginations do the work. It's already spoiled enough, frankly, I don't think I need to spoil the custard further.

As the infection from the rat monkey spreads, Piquita struggles to pursue Lionel. She eats her dog. Lionel's mom...eats Piquita's mom. Could the Tarot reading have been wrong? From this moment on, it's a bumpy ride. Zombie nurse. Zombie priest. Zombie baby. Zombie bikers. Zombie intestines. Zombie lamp. Zombie pervert. Zombie party...It's a gory, gross, green smorgasbord. That, my friends, is why Dead Alive/Braindead is the horror flick of the week. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go throw up...

For a Gory Cause: Charlie Lives

Hey guys, I'm taking a break from the regular routine of comics and reviews today to let you know about something that's got me pretty excited. It's an awesome kickstarter projected for a concept that I could really get behind.

You've got your Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Your House of 1000 Corpses. Your general classic slasher flicks that are inspired by real events, but have very little to do with them...and then you've got Charlie Lives. But I'll let the page to the talking for itself.

Charlie Lives: The Family's Return

Drive-in Trailers: HO HO HO-...rror

As Christmas approaches, a strange chill seems to settle over the world. The carnage of Black Friday has passed, but an even greater danger waits. From his frozen lair, the beast awakens. Clawed and grinning, Kris Kringle must once more feed on the children of-…wait, that doesn’t happen? You mean he’s a completely genial symbol of a joyful holiday bringing families together to celebrate the birth of the Christian messiah, winter, and togetherness? Damn. Well, now I suppose this list of Christmas trailers is totally inappropriate…but I’ll list them anyway.

A Tribute to William Castle

You know, there aren’t many gimmicks in movie theatres nowadays. Oh, of course there’s 3d…I’m sorry…’Real D’, and then who can forget the kid’s boxes you pay more for than popcorn, candy, and soda combined? But there was a time when going to the movies was more than just that. Specifically, this would be the time of William Castle, aptly known as the ‘KING OF GIMMICKS’.

House on Haunted Hill was one of my first William Castle films. Actually, it was one of my first horror films in general. His daughter would eventually co-produce the remake of this classic, but sadly without the gimmick (I should know, I saw the remake in theatres when I was ten.) When the film was shown in theatres, there was a climactic moment of a skeleton rising from a vat and pursuing the villainess until she found her own cruel demise. Right at this moment, a skeleton on wires would advance through the aisles to ‘terrorize’ the audience.

Don't let those smiles fool you. They're grins of fear!!!

William Castle was a producer, director, writer, and even occasionally an actor. It’s not surprising he was somewhat influenced by Hitchcock, when you consider the myriad introductions he did to a few films, as well as little conclusions. The one for Mr. Sardonicus is a personal favorite of mine. If you have not seen the film, and do not want to know the ending, forego this video clip. It does somewhat give a few things away. Also skip the next paragraph.

An awful lot of people debate whether an ‘alternate ending’ actually existed, because nobody ever really voted for Mr. Sardonicus to have a happy one. I don’t believe that alternate ending was actually filmed, because the…unhappy ending…is much more suiting.

I believe William Castle was brilliant, and not only for his games and surprises in the theatres, but because his movies were actually good (even without them.) Honestly, you don’t really get that with the few other films who’ve tried to do their own little surprises in theatres. I mean, as much as I love the Nightmare on Elm Street series, I’d be lying through my teeth if I said part 6 was an Oscar winner, with the special ‘3d’ moments, when you’d be able to see the dream demons properly through the magical dream glasses by the dream murderer’s daughter…it’s not dreamy.

Much like Orson Welles, Castle saw his career flourish from the very beginning in Hollywood..which makes sense, because they did work together in radio. Like Korman, he became an expert at making films fast under a budget. He was like Frankenstein’s monster of famous filmmakers.

A few other interesting gimmicks he came up with were as follows: buzzers in random seats for ‘The Tingler’, life insurance policies for ‘Macabre’ ($1000 dollars per audience member), a refund for pansies who couldn’t sit through ‘Homicidal’ complete with a coward’s certificate and an embarrassing march to a special booth, 3d glasses that would enable you to see the ghosts in 13 Ghosts, plastic axes for the audience seeing Strait-Jacket, seatbelts in some seats for ‘I Saw What You Did’…that one kinda falls short for me, but there’s only so many weird things you can do for your movies before the well runs dry.

He knew how to play his audience, whether he could see them or not, and I think when he passed away in 1977…good horror has never been the same.

This has little relevance, but...yeah, I think I can stand behind this political party...

Horror Flick of the Week - Sundown: Vampire in Retreat

Sundown: Vampire in Retreat. With a title like that you'd expect an epic tour de force of vampire action. Well, this isn't Dusk Till Dawn, so don't hold your breath. But with David Carradine, and Bruce Campbell, any intelligent person knows what they're walking into. Delicious camp. It's also directed by someone a little familiar, if you've seen Waxwork I and II. I had no idea he was actually one of the bit parts in those movies either, until I saw his picture this afternoon...but back to Sundown.

It's a fun popcorn movie, the kind you can pretty much talk through and not miss much. Plus, come on...David Carradine is Dracula (...I mean Mardulak) and Bruce Campbell is Van Helsing!

Just for some reference, here's one of the covers. It's got that great art style you only get with 80s and 90s VHS tapes. As you can clearly see, this is a western-style story. Not really in the wild west, because it's the modern era, but...I don't know. The bad guys dress up like cowboys in the end, so there's that.

It starts with a little girl having nightmares about vampires. Her father gets a job at a research facility in a new town, and it's soon evident to the viewers that the town is full of vampires. Actually, that was pretty clear in the beginning when one of them literally knocked a guy's block off. Unfortunately for the family, a person from their past is one of the members of the vampire community. He's not a nice guy.

It's hard to tell much more without giving everything away, because that's pretty much it. The story is a cut-and-dry horror comedy, good for a Friday night with friends. Best of all, it doesn't suck.

Vintage Comics: Chamber of Chills – The Avenging Spectre, Darker Than Death, Strange Customs (12-19)

Here we find ourselves with quite a bit of text in articles, which actually confirms something I mentioned earlier about the writers adjusting from the printed word to the format of comics. Still, it's pretty cool to see how creative the illustrators got, and I do enjoy the colors. Now, while the second story falls more along the lines of mystery and suspense,it still fits quite well with the 'chill' element. I think my favorite bit about this comic series is the random fact articles, even if they were a bit more sensational than could be believed.

Vintage Comics: This Magazine is Haunted - The Coffin Maker (27-34)

Finishing up this issue of 'This Magazine is Haunted', I think this last story is one of my particular favorites. Primarily, because it reads like an old radio show. Often the main characters tended to be young women, terrorized by an entity, person, or other sort of destructive influence. Irony was always a pretty heavy hand with these kinds of stories as well, which I like to think of as the 'reverse femme fatale/noir' plot.

Drive-in Trailers: Robots, Androids, and Computers...oh my!

Artificial intelligence. Sentience created by man, which may or may not become genuine. You've got your regular robots, your good robots *such as J5 and Robin Williams*, and you've got your downright EVIL robots. They're usually pretty damn strong, they have no remorse for man-kind, and they usually have some sort of vendetta against us for creating them. The following trailers are here to inform and protect you, should the inevitable Robocalypse occur...

Campy Nightmares: 5 Horror Flicks To Hurt Your Brain

Sometimes, I find myself watching a movie and well aware before I even pop it into the vcr/dvd player/open it on vlc/etc. that I am about to watch something which may very well consume my immortal soul. I could actually make a top '100' list of all these many narrow escapes from ultimate self-destruction, but I decided to let my brain recover from a recent one, and just stop at five for now. So without further ado, leading from mildly 'well, there goes my comprehension of logic and reality' to 'I'm officially insane', I give you 5 HORROR FLICKS TO HURT YOUR BRAIN

5. Teenage Caveman (2002)

This is one of those movies you may stumble upon late at night, if you happen to be lucky (or unlucky) enough to have access to HBO, insomnia, and a desire to enjoy some good old-fashioned 'teen' porn without the legal consequences that may come with it.

4. Terror Vision (1986)

Despite the fact that this is...a bad movie...it's not bad. Let me rephrase that. This one defines camp, (deliberately exaggerated and theatrical in style, typically for humorous effect). So why is it even listed here? Well, it's vaguely like a movie for adults, then somewhat like a movie for kids as well, but it never really defines the actual side of the fence it wants to be on...unless you count the weird bedroom scene with all of the creature heads, but nothing is outright said about sexing there, so I think it's safe to assume it could be one of the adult jokes they always slip into a children's movie just so parents don't shoot themselves from boredom. Even with the fact that it looks like an 80s romp for the kiddies, the monster is just too scary. By an 8-year-old's standards, anyway. Maybe I'm just biased, from a distant memory of running out of the room crying because I couldn't handle the man-eating slime monster, and huddling under my bed until I knew the movie was over. Still, I think this has a well-deserved spot on my list, though it may be a bit more entertaining than the rest. Here's a trailer to give you a general idea of what the heck I mean.

3. Jack Frost (1996)

I know this may sound crazy, but given the choice between this...Christmas classic...and Child's Play, I'd pick the other one for a nursery school movie any time. Quality does come into play, based on budget, but so does actual content. There's so much damn cussing from this foul-mouthed snowman, and a bag of puns  than Freddy Kreuger on a bender. I'm not knocking the blade-man, so don't get too mad at me. I suppose the ultimate brain scorcher for me, though, would have to be the fact that it took everyone over an hour to figure out antifreeze might be a viable option for battling a block of talking ice...be warned, this movie does not feature a love-able Micheal Keaton. Not by mile-long icicle.

2. Teenage Space Vampires (1999)

I refuse to turn this into a list attacking the low budget field of cinema, nor even the poor-writing field, the bad directing field, crappy SFX field, and the terrible acting field. HOWEVER, this one kind of falls into every single one of those areas. There's only one memorable moment, the rest left me thinking to myself 'how can they be vampires, if they look like aliens? I think this movie is putting too much emphasis on the space part.' It honestly felt like one of those concepts translated to a language, and then back to the original, then maybe to a third for good measure, until nobody really knew what the monster was...so they just kinda went with it. Anyway, here's a pretty good example of one of the better moments in the movie. That's saying something, since it's not really much of a moment.

1. Ghost Fever (1987)

I feel sorry for this final one. Sherman Hemsley practically funneled a majority of his money into it, and you can really kind of almost somewhat not really see the potential here. Two ghosts try to keep the slave-owner father of one of them from leaving his grave, then the descendant of the other comes to the house they used to live in to throw two old women out, the two old women turn out to be beautiful and young, they've got a psychic...there's a dancing mummy ghost getting served by George Jefferson...Dracula...Rape machine, zombie surgery, boxing match, death, champagne and thunderstorm...I don't really know where I was going this. It feels more like a combination of as many terms as possible on a youtube video description, just to boost page views. Maybe that's what they were going for in the movie, too? I wish I could say this was another weird movie that charmed me to death in it's own poor existence, but Hemsley went bankrupt as a result of this ham. The director was so ashamed, he even took the 'Allen Smithee' name for it...which is a title usually only employed when nobody wants to acknowledge a picture as their own. I honestly hope some day this movie gets the attention 'The Room' and 'Troll 2' got, and audiences from miles around flock to worship it for the train wreck it turned out to be. It's on youtube in it's entirety, by the way, though Netflix completely dumped it. I wonder why?