Featured Fear: Hemophobia (fear of blood)

This is an odd one, though certainly not as odd as anatadaephobia (fear of being watched by a duck) or something along those lines. Hemophobia is strange, because it isn't usually single. This means people with the fear of blood are usually afraid of something else, like needles or other various pointy things.

Now if you break it down, hemophobia becomes a perfectly reasonable condition. Most often when a person is first introduced to the sight of blood in childhood, it is their own. I suppose this can cause one to associate blood with pain...and it can kind of just get worse from there. This is when it is purely psychological, of course, which hemophobia usually isn't.

When a person is exposed to the sight of blood, the body's reaction is to generally have a small drop in blood pressure. This is instinctual. Because when blood pressure drops, one is less likely to bleed or clot as much if injured. If your blood pressure drops TOO much, you faint. Sooooo...since fainting is usually pretty inconvenient, it can at times be another cause for hemophobia.

Most phobias are treated by desensitization. Hemophobia is too, but...it's also treated in another very unique way. Training one's body to raise their blood pressure, either through tensing muscles or engaging in vigorous activity.

So now that you've read a little bit about hemophobia, here's a short video from a personal favorite show of mine, to ease you into...some kind of...pun using the word vein. I'm not always on my A game here, folks. Much less my B or O game either...

Grim History: Elizabeth Bathory

Imagine you have a daughter. She is your only child, and the light of your life. You would do everything for her, but you're not in the right financial situation to give your little girl the education you think she deserves. She is destined, much like the rest of your family, to spend her years doing back-breaking labor every day of her life to ensure that she can eat. So it is decided that she'll get a job. She'll become a servant in the house of an incredibly rich woman, and you know that every day she will be able to eat. Every day she will be able to survive with at least a little less effort than she would have, if she stayed home.

Now imagine instead that you do have money, but you still have a daughter. You love her, much as you would were you in the former situation. As much as you don't like to admit to yourself, she's getting older by the day. Soon she'll have to be married, but she'll only be able to find the best husband if she has the best manners. You receive an offer from a very rich and elegant lady to teach your daughter all of the etiquette and grace she would need to know, and she's lucky enough to be 1 among only 25 chosen at a time.

Time is beginning to pass, whether you are the first parent or the second. You do not receive word of your daughter, nor do you receive letters. Nothing. After months, maybe even years of anxiously waiting, you find out something very awful about the household your daughter 'joined'. Many, if not all, of the girls brought there have been murdered. Your daughter is among them, and she was killed in an unspeakably brutal way, her blood used in a sick ritual to bathe that very same rich woman who promised your daughter a better future.

This happened to over 650 young women. Girls. Children. Though the people who aided in the torture and disposal of these girls were tried and put to death, the monster responsible for this genocide was never put to a trial. She was sealed in her bedchamber with just enough of an opening in the wall for food/drink. She would go on to live like this for 4 years.

Elizabeth Bathory, the 'bloody countess', a very rich and very horrible person by all accounts. She is often practically glamorized in film. Why wouldn't she be? She was one of the richest people in her country, purportedly beautiful, elegant. But one think that always seems to be under-played...is the sheer scale of her crimes.

She was born in 1560, and grew up watching her father torture local peasantry for kicks, so her sadism was learned from a very young age. She married (at the age of 15) an infamously 'brave' warrior Count known affectionately as 'The Black Hero of Hungary', and from then became heavily involved in occult practices. This wasn't the new age crystal shaking of today, nor parlor tricks like pouring wax into water and predicting your future. This was the heavy-hitting satanic worship, complete with (very likely) sacrifices and naked Latin poetry circles.

Surprisingly, Elizabeth really didn't get started on her rampage until she was in her early 40s. She had children, and lived a relatively normal life by the standards of a rich Countess. She had kids, raised them, managed to keep herself from drinking their blood or using it for cosmetics, and honestly things might have gone on fairly nicely if she hadn't been a psychopath.

The story goes that her maid brushed Elizabeth's hair too hard, so she got a good smack for the incident. Somehow blood was drawn, so I suspect something far worse than a smack, and Elizabeth deliriously thought that the blood rejuvenated her skin when she rubbed it into her hand. I, personally, would not recommend this beauty treatment.

I could go on for ages describing all of the insanely ridiculous Bava levels of gruesome activities this woman did. Perhaps I'll even do another post about her some day. But for now, I will stop here. I would like to leave you with one final gruesome thought in the meantime: why do we say Bloody Mary when we look in the mirror? I think Bloody Elizabeth would be far more horrifying...

Horror Flick of the Week: Blood Creek (2009)

For some reason, I didn't think this one would be good. Even considering it was directed by Joel Schumacher. So what happened? I was proven horribly wrong in the best way possible. This. Movie. Is. Awesome. It's one of those rare newer pictures that just kind of drags you in within the first five minutes. It's perfect alone at night or in the middle of the day with friends, because it is just that good.

I suppose you're wondering why it's so amazing, though, so I won't keep you in suspense. It's like a combination of Warlock and Evil Dead with maybe just a taste of Nazis. I think we all know there's really no more despicable living villain than a Nazi. So when a Nazi 'doctor'/'scientist'/'nutjob'/'occultist'/whatever comes to a small farm in America, I was only left wondering 'what the hell is this guy going to do?'

Of course the only real ties the family that live there even have to the dude is the fact that they're German, which apparently means you can let Nazis come crash on your couch whenever the want. I don't know about you, but I think I'd start pretending I was from Austria-Hungary when this dude came to call.

There's a gigantic stone hidden on the property of the family with ancient script (runes) scrawled all around it. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that the guy staying with them and investigating the stone is...well...like I said, a Nazi. This doesn't bode well for the family, and even 80+ years on they're still feeling the effects of their unwelcome house guest, long after Hitler called it a night with Eva in their bunker.

Evan is a young man trying his best to help care for his missing brother's family, and ceaselessly trying to find out what happened to him. You'd think this would just be your run-of-the-mill mystery, wherein there's some kind of German Nazi cult worshiping Hitler trees or some shit, but then his brother shoes up and drags Evan on a strange trip out into the middle of nowhere. And we're re-introduced to the farmhouse. But...it looks like...could it be...the elder brother from the beginning of the movie is still the same age? WHAT?! I'll stop here, because I can't trust myself not to reveal more. But this is...god this is a good movie. Watch it IMMEDIATELY when you get the chance. Ignore the title. Ignore the massive disappointments horror has been generally coming up with for the past 15 years...just enjoy.

Horror Flick of the Week: Dead Alive/Braindead

Firing up my DVD player today, I thought back to when I first watched this movie. My mom was an avid horror fan, and she’d helped me pick this rental out at Hastings. I couldn’t have been more than maybe 9. This was the day my mom also gave me one of the best bits of advice I’ve ever received: do not eat and watch this film. Do not think of food while watching this film. Avoid consumption of anything before watching this…film. For those of you who may not have seen this or any of Peter Jackson’s other works, I’d advise you to heed these words.

Of course as a proud member of Nickelodeon’s first generation, I disregarded her wisdom. I thought I could handle it. I ate a chili dog the first time I saw Dead Alive (or Braindead to you non-American folks.)  I did pretty well until the custard scene…

I spent most of my childhood in small-town Texas. This may not mean much to a lot of you, but to others…you might also remember the small video rental shops tucked away at the back of those aging grocery stores. The mysterious collections of films I’d find there, I’ve yet to see at any regular video store. What attracted me to this movie was the video cover. It’s…well it’s pretty freaking awesome. It’s also pretty disturbing. The only reason my mom let me go ahead and rent it after walking past this little gem a thousand times, was because she’d seen it. A normal parent would probably have just been even more averse to letting his or her daughter watch Dead Alive alone after actually seeing the film, but go figure.

I scoff at most modern 'zombie' pictures, when I think of Dead Alive. Oh, so a virus got out and infected the populace? It's doomsday? There was a mad monkey? PLEASE. Be a bit more creative, people! I mean...this movie had rat monkeys. Ugly little bastard rat monkeys...apparently the offspring of rapist rats and innocent tree monkeys. RAT. MONKEYS.

He's got his father's charm...

So it opens with a man actually trying to transport one of these suckers to a zoo. The rat monkey gets there, unfortunately it bit off a bit more than it could chew. Wait, no. It bit off a bit more than the guy could handle. The guy bit off more than he could chew? There's a joke here somewhere.

It's the late 50s, so of course our hero has an overbearing bitch mother when we meet him. But first we meet Paquita, who's sweet on a deliveryman until her gypsy grandma reads her fortune. Might I just say that whenever Tarot cards are used in a movie, I squeal a little? There really is something epic about employing occult symbols in a horror flick. It adds to the supernatural feel of a picture.

Her fate lies not with he who brings the boxes, but he who spills the stationary.

Of course I'm taking about Lionel, the mama's boy protagonist. I'd also like to mention at this point that even though this film may have a much lower budget than LOTR or even Frighteners, it's already apparent that no matter what his funds...Peter Jackson is a damn good director and a damn good storyteller. Every angle in this film, the way the camera travels, the link from one scene to the next...it's incredibly streamlined, and quite pretty (even the wet bits with the blood and goo have their merits.)

Now that he's met Piquita, Lionel's life will never be the same. His mother thoroughly establishes herself as a control-freak before this becomes apparent, but it isn't long before the two destined lovers have a lovely trip to the zoo. Oh wait, not so lovely...because this happens to Lionel's mom before things get too steamy...

Things don't seem to be looking up for the budding romance. And just when things seem to be going back to normal for Lionel and his mother, she becomes ill...and the custard scene. The...custard scene. Honestly, I'm getting a little sick just finding good screenshots from it, so instead I'll just let your imaginations do the work. It's already spoiled enough, frankly, I don't think I need to spoil the custard further.

As the infection from the rat monkey spreads, Piquita struggles to pursue Lionel. She eats her dog. Lionel's mom...eats Piquita's mom. Could the Tarot reading have been wrong? From this moment on, it's a bumpy ride. Zombie nurse. Zombie priest. Zombie baby. Zombie bikers. Zombie intestines. Zombie lamp. Zombie pervert. Zombie party...It's a gory, gross, green smorgasbord. That, my friends, is why Dead Alive/Braindead is the horror flick of the week. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go throw up...

Drive-in Trailers: Fanged Fiends

Fanged Fiends, because 'Vampires' was too overdone. What's great about these creatures, is that no two versions are alike. Some of them are bad-ass, some of them aren't, some of them have fangs, some of them blur the lines between actually being monsters or just psychologically disturbed. The list goes on. It's hard to define what a vampire is because they are the root of all monsters. One that was human who thrives on what still is...

Ending it on the lucky number '13', and saving the Hammer films...for another day.