Horror Flick of the Week: Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde (1995)

 

Listen - - okay, so you know when I start a sentence with that word, I'm about to give you a long-winded explanation about why I'm right when it's clear you're right. This movie IS bad. It's bad good - - bad good, in the way only an early to mid 90s movie can be. AND yes, it's not really a horror film, but it plays on tropes of a classic horror story. Plus, Tim Daly needs more love, and I must've watched this film 1000 times growing up. This does perhaps go back to the fact that my parents probably should've screened the stuff I rented more thoroughly, but here we are today. I 'm 35, somewhat well-adjusted, and I still love this wonderfully silly and incredibly problematic 'horror' comedy - - what's more, I'm recommending it to you, if you haven't seen it.

If you love old-fashioned shopping montages, Harvey Fierstein (you remember him, Robin Williams's brother in Mrs. Doubtfire), Sean Young at her most beautiful, and pseudo-science disguising itself as aromatic chemistry, give this one shot. Maybe take a shot or two in the process, but this is my pick for the week. It's just fun. (If you want something with the same plot, but more along the lines of legitimate horror, I do highly recommend Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde too.)

Book of the Week: Monster, by A. Lee Martinez

I have read so many of this man's books. For me, his humorous balance in his story is on par with another favorite author of mine, R. Chetwynd-Hayes. I've already recommended one book by A. Lee Martinez in the past, Gil's All Fright Diner, but honestly? I love this one even more. There was a period of time a few years ago where I was pretty much reading at least one of these books a week, and Monster is one of the best.

The story plays with a concept I rarely see done as well as it should be. There are monsters everywhere, and normal people don't know about them. This one adds your typical Martinez guts and gore along with a succubus here and maybe a yeti destroying a grocery store there. A gland in people's brains that lets them see monsters for what they are, and a sort of supernatural police force doing what they can to at least keep things somewhat normal.

What I love about A. Lee Martinez, is that his protagonists are both very normal and very special in so many creative ways. This book was no exception to the rule, and it is very easily a 3-day read if you put your mind to it. Or don't. Just grab a glass of wine (or coffee) and enjoy.

Featured Kickstarter: The House on Forest Drive

"Stand By Me" meets "Evil Dead 2" in the 1980's throwback feature "The House On Forest Drive" a raw blend that mixes coming of age nostalgia with over the top violence and gore, a real B-rate Bloodbath of enjoyment, with plenty demon bashing BMX action, what's not to love.

- Mitch Morse


The 80s is back in a big way, thanks to Stranger Things. I'd like to welcome our campy overlords of horror back to their proper place, but in order to do that...well, some awesome new creators are going to need help to get there. This one in particular sounds like just the sort of thing to get started with. Let's make horror films fun again, the protagonists likable, and the gore entertaining. That's exactly what I thought of when I discovered this kickstarter project, and that's what I hope you, the readers think, as well.

Sound like the sort of project you'd like to get behind? Then please check it out and do what you can to see it become a delightfully destructive reality.

Book(s) Of the Week: Monster Road

Back in the 90s, I was wild for books. I still am, but the point here is that I devoured every book fair that came to school. Especially when it came to book lights and horror stories. Monster Road was one of my favorites. Perhaps it was the cover that drew me to it, or the fact that I'd run out of Goosebumps books, but this one was pretty easy to miss tucked back at the bottom 'L' shelf.

Written by David Lubar, Monster Road tells the story of Kevin taking a road trip with his eccentric scientist Uncle. Eccentric and wildly naive, every single monster Kevin's uncle meets on the trip strikes him as something absolutely mundane and non-supernatural in any way. What's more, he seems to come up with a solution for most of their problems in the process.

My old copy I had of Monster Road sadly fell to pieces, but that's the sign of a well-loved book. At least for a kid. Monster Road is a great little story to read with your kid, or to just let them read on their own, lying in the somewhat sketchy area of 2nd grade - 4th grade reading level.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween, guys! Today, I thought I’d just feature a few awesome fan-made music videos from youtube, just to get everybody in the mood for tonight’s festivities. Whether you’re going to a haunted house, taking your kids trick or treating, actively trick or treating, or even just sitting home and watching a movie.

Horror Flick of the Week: Love at First Bite

Every year, my best friend and I gather a collection of our ‘traditional marathon movies’ and watch them like crazy on Halloween. The night always starts with Love at First Bite. Not only is it one of Hamilton’s funniest movies, but he’s also playing Dracula. I’d also like to add that it’s a quote-able movie, with plenty of awesome lines to go around.

The atmosphere at the beginning is great: fog, candle-light, howling wolves and Dracula in tails. In short, they’ve nailed the Tod Browning feel. Renfield is amazingly neurotic, creepy, funny, and…funny. The whole picture is nice and light, like a good appetizer before you sink your teeth into the main dish.

Dracula longs for the company of a woman, Cindy Sondheim, a model in New York. Now Dracula is pretty much always on the prowl, in any and all incarnations he’s ever taken. It’s no surprise then, that Cindy Sondheim is the reincarnation of his true love…Mina Harker. Instead of wasting away longing for her company and reading gossip magazines, though…he’s ousted by the government so his castle can be converted into a training facility for young athletes. This is the perfect opportunity to finally pursue the woman of his dreams.

And what’s an eviction notice without an angry mob of villagers?

He finds her, they spend the evening together, and then-Dracula gets to meet her psychiatrist/occasional love interest…Van Helsing’s grandson. They don't get on.

I’ll leave all the juicy bits out for anyone unfamiliar with this movie to discover on his or her own, but chances are that if you like Tootsie…and if you like Dracula in any form…you’ll probably like this. No, there sadly isn’t any drag, but it really brings Tootsie to mind anyway. I guess it’s the time period…or the setting…or the wig. Not sure. I’ll get back to you on that.

Horror Flick of the Week: Game of Werewolves

There are a lot of werewolf movies out there. A lot of them seem to have ditched the 'creepy village' plot element, which is a real shame. This one didn't. In fact, I'd say 'creepy village' is pretty much a major player in this story line. It's got everything. Gypsy curses, army of werewolves, human sacrifice, aforementioned village, and a great vibe. I mean the lighting is just incredibly atmospheric.

With so many vampire and werewolf movies coming out in the last few years, and a huge amount of them just being...bad...this one stands out. It's a genuinely entertaining story about a young man who goes back to the village he grew up in, and reconnects with an old friend and a somewhat evil uncle. A 100 years ago, a gypsy placed a curse on his family and the village, that on the anniversary of a terrible crime committed by one of his family members, someone of his bloodline would have to be sacrificed.

Obviously the poor guy doesn't know this, because it would have been a lot harder for anyone to persuade him to go home. Taken by surprise in the middle of the night, he's trapped in a cellar with the werewolf, along with his publisher who made a surprise visit that same day. An old friend manages to help them escape, which sadly unleashes yet another curse on the village, much worse than the first.

The same man who helped our hero escape is forced to go back to the cellar the next day, to find out if the werewolf is still there. What he finds is...a child. Yes, the werewolf was a child cursed to become a beast every night for a hundred years...

So he sneaks the kid back to his place, and they decide there might be another way to end the curse. Cut off the main guy's pinky and feed it to the kid.

He's not too terribly receptive to the idea, but as they say...any port in a storm, right?

This is a clever little film. It's not the end-all be-all of werewolf cinema, but it's great if you're just in the mood for a good movie. An excellent double feature with Dog Soldiers.

Drive-in Trailers: Bad Monkeys

More than talking toys, possessed grandmothers, cannibal pygmies, and disease-infested pets...we should fear the primate. Monkeys in general are the source of all evil, which is why they pretend they don't see, speak, or hear any of it. That being said, witness below several examples of the ultimate horrors these hairy harbingers of hate have and will commit towards the human race. Yes, even rat monkey bites count.

Don't Rock the Cradle: 5 Really Creepy Kids.

So, upon watching Bloody Birthday this week, I realized something…kids genuinely scare people. Not me, personally, but other people. Right up next to ‘clowns’ on the list of freaky shit, ‘children’ is poorly-scrawled in crayon…or dried blood. I can’t really tell which. At any rate, this list is by no means a definitive one. There are far too many creepy kids out there in the movie world to name, but these are the ones who currently stand out to me.

1.        The Kid with the Gun Fetish in Sixth Sense

So it’s about the shortest appearance on this list, but when that kid walks up and whispers about his dad’s gun…then turns around…BAM! Bloody head! Gets me every time…

2.       The Twins from The Shining

I suppose it’s obvious these girls would make the cut. What gets me is that these are children, trapped here in this hotel, which could very well be hell or some demonic offshoot of earth…what did they do to end up there? Are they even children, or manifestations of something far worse? I didn’t come here today to cross-examine Kubrick or King, so I won’t even get into that powder keg. Let’s just all agree these kids are odd and get on with our lives.

3.       Gage from Pet Sematary

This one his actually pretty heart-breaking. Gage was a normal, adorable toddler in the beginning before his accident. His father pig-headedly brought him back into the world, when he should have known better, and what comes back isn’t the same kid at all. He’s a horrible little demon imp that just happens to look like a child. He’s terrifying, and it’s just about the best damn acting I’ve ever seen from a kid this age.

4.       The Zombie Baby from Dead Alive

Okay, maybe he’s not really a child. He’s a baby. He’s an evil, ugly, far too intelligent zombie baby. He demonstrates child-like joy at the simple things in life, like playtime, and ripping women’s heads in half…this baby is the only reason I can take a dead baby joke, because I always picture him.

5.       The Kids from Bloody Birthday

These kids are really the creepiest for me right now, probably because the film is still fresh in my mind, but also because of one main factor: they’re sociopaths. They are not demons, nor were they brought back from the dead in some misguided ritual, nor are they ghosts seeking the company of other children. They’re just…evil. They kill with no reason other than the sheer fun of it, and what’s more…they don’t care who they kill. Relatives. Friends. Teachers. Random people having sex in cars…they don’t even do it with creepy smiles or cryptic phrases. They act like normal kids maybe sneaking around so their parents don’t catch them watching an r-rated movie, or stealing from the candy shop. They’re the definition of what evil people are, in very small packages.

Horror Flick of the Week: Waxwork

As I'm sure you're all aware, anything crafted to look like a human being is creepy. Anything crafted to look like a human being that actually comes pretty close is really creepy. Anything crafted to look like a human being that comes to life and actually sucks you into another dimension, then effectively murders you and entraps your soul in a similar form...well, that one is great for a film plot.

Forgiving the quality of the trailer, the dvd and vhs are a little better. There are so many movies out there with wax museums as the main focus of the horror, but this is the only one I'm aware of where it's not just people being murdered and having their bodies hidden in the figures...it's people being sucked into the world's of the creatures, and turning into wax sculptures if they die there. It's a delicious piece of 80s camp I could watch a hundred times or more, and probably have, now that I think about it.

It starts with a man being murdered and robbed, to the tune of some classic swing, and from there the adventure begins. Mark, played by the amazingly awesome Zach Galligan, also known as the defeater of the gremlin army, having an intimate breakfast with his mother. Maybe it's just the length of the table and the obnoxious centerpiece talking, but I gather they aren't too close...

Then we meet Mark's ex-girlfriend, China, who to put it bluntly...is a bit promiscuous. She's chatting it up with the good girl Sarah, when suddenly...

This place appears out of nowhere, then-

OH GOD, IT'S DAVID WARNER! This isn't good...especially not when he invites them to come to his waxwork that night...

The low budget is a given, and there are very minor outdoor moments with some shaky camera-work...but only really if you're looking. My point being I'm not here to pick at the bad bits, only talk about the awesome ones. This movie...is the good side of 80s camp. The sequel is also pretty epic, too. In fact, I'd advise you to watch both. Seriously, they're absolutely amazing. Here, I'll throw in some extra pictures for you, just in case the point hasn't been driven home yet...

Drive-in Trailers: Creepy Cats

Dogs are generally a man's best friend in a lot of stories, unless they've got rabies. Cats, however, don't always come out as the 'good guys'. In fact, more often than not, they're downright evil. If they're not, they seem to be very good at driving people insane. I mean, just look at these trailers...

Horror Flick of the Week: Monster Club (1980)

So, it's a horror anthology movie of various scary stories set to the backdrop of monsters in a club telling them. A very 80s sort of movie, with new wave music in-between tales. Currently it's available on YouTube in it's entirety, if you'd like to check it out.

The music is incredibly fun, but the movie doesn't really seem to know what it wants to be. Yet it works. It's one of the funnest movies you could watch, and I think it owes to the man that inspired the stories, R. Chetwynd-Hayes. A majority of his books are out-of-print, but they're worth checking in to. The man creates a world of his own, very dry wit amid a strange population of monsters. He even makes a kind of family tree for them (like what might happen when a werewolf and vampire have a child, or a ghoul and a vampire, or a ghoul and a shagmock...) which is reflected in this movie really well.

What really stands out for me, though, is that it looks like everyone involved with this picture had a great time. The transition from story to story is done pretty well, and the meat of each tale has a hint of originality, if not cute humor to it. This is an early evening Halloween movie to watch when the kids start to come around asking for candy, and a great opener for a horror-themed party.

If none of that was confusing, just watch this awesome number.

You can just feel the new wave leaking out of the screen...and maybe a little bit of blood, but that's normal.

Horror Flick of the Week: Night of the Living Dorks

So this week I decided to suggest one of my personal favorites for a starter: Night of the Living Dorks.

I'm not a huge zombie fan, though they have their place. I'm more of a werewolf and vampire chick myself, leaning more towards werewolves as the mythos of the vampires seems to be evolving into a more teen-friendly concept.

Horror comedies are sometimes hits, usually misses. There are lots of great ones out there, but if you haven't seen one, and start off with a really bad one...well, most of us never look back. Luckily, this one is pretty awesome. It's a combination between your average high school flick with a bit of a college character feel, and a small-time zombie fest. Picture American Pie meets Shaun of the Dead...or go the easy route, and just picture Idle Hands, which technically is a similar combination...

It starts with a zombie attacking a family, a woman using a flame-thrower on said zombie, and zombie ashes being sold through several dealers until it ends up being purchased on an ebay-like site. That's just the intro credits.

Then we meet your average loser, Phillip, who is somehow really attractive, because you only actually see genuinely unattractive losers in independent films. He has an awkward...dream...his mother proceeds to tell the girl next door about. Already you're in for the basic stereotypical embarrassing journey of one young man through high school...or are you? I guess I should've mentioned this chick in his dream...

Well, at least she's got personality...

Everything changes when Phillip and his friends go to a cemetery get-together with the girl next door, and then get covered in zombie dust...

Not quite as tasty as snow.

It would have just ended there, maybe with them going home and taking thorough showers, but then-

This

This

And this

The movie isn't even halfway through, and the main characters are dead. I won't spoil the rest for you, though...suffice it to say, it's worth watching if you're looking for a bit of horror comedy, but feel like you've seen all the good ones.

What wins me over for this movie, though, is the fact that the zombies aren't mindless flesh-eaters. Honestly, they're just shy of being ghouls. Plus, it's pretty funny. So go ahead and give it a try. If not tonight, put it on your Halloween watch list this year to watch with some friends.