So, upon watching Bloody Birthday this week, I realized something…kids genuinely scare people. Not me, personally, but other people. Right up next to ‘clowns’ on the list of freaky shit, ‘children’ is poorly-scrawled in crayon…or dried blood. I can’t really tell which. At any rate, this list is by no means a definitive one. There are far too many creepy kids out there in the movie world to name, but these are the ones who currently stand out to me.
1. The Kid with the Gun Fetish in Sixth Sense
So it’s about the shortest appearance on this list, but when that kid walks up and whispers about his dad’s gun…then turns around…BAM! Bloody head! Gets me every time…
2. The Twins from The Shining
I suppose it’s obvious these girls would make the cut. What gets me is that these are children, trapped here in this hotel, which could very well be hell or some demonic offshoot of earth…what did they do to end up there? Are they even children, or manifestations of something far worse? I didn’t come here today to cross-examine Kubrick or King, so I won’t even get into that powder keg. Let’s just all agree these kids are odd and get on with our lives.
3. Gage from Pet Sematary
This one his actually pretty heart-breaking. Gage was a normal, adorable toddler in the beginning before his accident. His father pig-headedly brought him back into the world, when he should have known better, and what comes back isn’t the same kid at all. He’s a horrible little demon imp that just happens to look like a child. He’s terrifying, and it’s just about the best damn acting I’ve ever seen from a kid this age.
4. The Zombie Baby from Dead Alive
Okay, maybe he’s not really a child. He’s a baby. He’s an evil, ugly, far too intelligent zombie baby. He demonstrates child-like joy at the simple things in life, like playtime, and ripping women’s heads in half…this baby is the only reason I can take a dead baby joke, because I always picture him.
5. The Kids from Bloody Birthday
These kids are really the creepiest for me right now, probably because the film is still fresh in my mind, but also because of one main factor: they’re sociopaths. They are not demons, nor were they brought back from the dead in some misguided ritual, nor are they ghosts seeking the company of other children. They’re just…evil. They kill with no reason other than the sheer fun of it, and what’s more…they don’t care who they kill. Relatives. Friends. Teachers. Random people having sex in cars…they don’t even do it with creepy smiles or cryptic phrases. They act like normal kids maybe sneaking around so their parents don’t catch them watching an r-rated movie, or stealing from the candy shop. They’re the definition of what evil people are, in very small packages.