Vintage Comics: Beware, Issue #8, Terror in the Streets, The Watery Ghost, Come Die With Me (Pg. 16 - End)

 Wrapping up this shorter comic issue, Beware reminds me just how delightfully dark it was for a classic horror comic. I just love the twisted endings. The last one especially of the corpse having a night on the town with his 'friends' is particularly fun. You don't typically find these sorts of stories in 50s comics, and it's no wonder a lot of them became banned for a couple of decades until the American public lightened up.

Drive-in Trailers: Under The Sea

I think we can all agree that the world is a dangerous place, and anyone who steps foot out of their home for anything other than absolute necessities (food, water, bullets, Dolly Parton's latest album) is a fool. That being said, let us make our way back to the topic at hand: oceanic horror. The spooky, the dark, and the non-shark related horror waiting in your swimming pool, bathtub, and not-so-friendly local beach.

Grim History: Gilles de Rais

“Blood was flowing – in Bluebeard’s house, in the abattoirs, in the circuses where God had set his seal to whiten the windows. Blood and Milk flowed together.” - Arthur Rimbaud

It is said that you can divide fairy tales into two categories, stories based on general fears and thoughts at the time, or apocryphal adaptations of historic fact. What can one say about the story of Bluebeard? A rich man who took many wives, locked them in his house when he left, and left them with a key and an egg just to make sure he could trust them not to discover all of the dead wives he'd slaughtered countless times before. Frankly, I don't see why people Bluebeard could be associates with Gilles de Rais, but that's what many people believe. Odd, considering a vast majority of the children he was purported to have slaughtered, if not all, were little boys...

Gilles was born in 1404-05, depending on your sources, precocious, titled, disgustingly rich, and destined to become orphaned at the age of 10. From then on, under the guardianship of his maternal grandfather grandfather, Jean de Craon, who was without a doubt one of the more interesting and dastardly schemers you may read about in history. The man desperately wanted to be the richest in all of France, and as any respectable person of his time would do, endeavored to earn this by wedding Gilles off to a toddler. He tried, anyway. The whole mess got immediately rejected by the Parisian Parliament, so he settled for kidnapping Gilles' cousin, Catherine de Thouars instead.

But this isn't Game of Craon, this is the history of Gilles himself. Ultimately, he ended up supporting the Dauphin in the Hundred Years War. He did quite well for himself, reckless, brave, just about everything you could imagine any model aristocratic soldier being. When Joan of Arc came to court, Gilles was to be her military advisor.

Following several successful battles, Gilles became Marshall of France.

Things were looking up for our hero. Then, after a series of unfortunate events, not the least of which being the burning of Joan, and the death of his grandfather (who decided to leave the family title and respect to Gilles' younger brother),  Gilles decided he'd had enough of being the typical good guy. Some believe the death of Joan may have been the major domino in his gruesome path later on, but really...a lost friend, or perhaps even unrequited love, does not account for psychopathic behavior. Otherwise the world would be far worse than it already is.

Gilles had one daughter with his wife, then it's purported that he swore off women altogether. The man had spent a good deal of money investing in chapels, the church, and all things holy...suddenly decided to make a complete polar opposite shift in how he lived his life...

In 1432, the year after Joan of Arc's death, Gilles killed his fist victim. His first documented one, anyway. A boy his cousin had sent to deliver a letter to him. Gilles, essentially went absolutely insane. He started to spend his fortune at an astonishing rate, to the point of having to sell of portions of the family lands and estate to support his activities. What's more, his parties didn't stop with boozing and debauchery. There are many claims that insist he raped, tortured, and cremated up to 200 small children by 1440. A majority of the murders took place in 1438-1439. These children were gathered for him by his closest servants, and there are even wild accounts Gilles himself described in his confessions at court of satanic rituals he would perform, very likely involving the remains of these children as well.

His brother finally forbade Gilles from selling off anything else, and the family lands were kept intact by a court order, while the man practically threw money at his favored 'magician', an Italian man  who had once been a priest, named Antonio Prelati. Gilles' ultimate goal was to restore the money he had squandered, and he spent it like water just to find out if he could somehow transform common elements into gold. He actually thought murdering the children would somehow aid in this, and it's clear by the sheer number that no cost was too high for Gilles to maintain his wealth.

Arguably, what ultimately did him in, was the kidnapping of a cleric. Though many people suspected Gilles of murder, kidnapping, and all sorts of crime, his military history and standing with the king had given him a great deal of protection from any persecution...the church, however, was just a little too powerful for him to get away from (at the time.) He was finally brought to trial, and after several witnesses (his own servants who had actually aided him in many of his crimes) spilled the beans.

Gilles at first insisted he was innocent, but quickly caved, and described in detail many of the horrible rituals he committed with Prelati, to the point of even trying to summon Satan himself. Gilles was put to death, but because of his standing he was allowed to be strangled/hanged (some accounts differ) before his brief burning, and even so, given a Christian burial on church grounds.

It is said that many testimonies given by witnesses and Gilles himself of the crimes he committed against his victims were so terrible, that they were stricken from the record so people could be spared ever learning of the horrid details.

Horror Flick of the Week: 'Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990)'

I feel like maybe a lot of people would disagree about this, but honestly...I enjoyed this movie a lot more than Creepshow. Don't get me wrong, Creepshow is awesome, and the framing structure with the animations were pretty freaking cool. Yet...as a kid...Creepshow didn't put me through the roller coaster ride of emotions this movie did. Each story really does have its own awesome appeal, the cast is great, the writers are awesome...

https://youtu.be/R9lVoUKk-8Y

The fact that the framing story to this is a Hansel and Gretel-esque tale with a witch preparing to cook a little boy to serve at her supper party makes this an absolutely delicious watch for the Halloween season, and I think it does the series it's associated more than justice (in fact, it's actually considered a spiritual successor to Creepshow, too.) I can't praise this movie enough. For the love of god, if you haven't seen it yet, watch it this year as soon as humanly possible.

Horror Flick of the Week: Nightmare Castle (1965)

It is no secret that a disgustingly high number of classic films, and especially Italian ones, found themselves butchered terribly in their transitions to the American screen. I've heard Nightmare Castle is no exception, but if you're looking for the full version, you can find it under the title of 'The Faceless Monster'. The discrepancy is 11 minutes. Pacing and I believe a bit of violence being the key missing bits...

However, I am not necesarilly a purist about these things. Because I can still enjoy it on its own if I haven't seen the original first, and that's why I'd recommend Nightmare Castle to any fan of B movies, Italian Gothic horror, Bava-esque settings, and of course...Barbara Steele. The one and only.

Throughout this film, I found myself mostly appreciating the set...the house...the costumes...and the fact that it really wasn't as slow as some people would have you believe. Especially if you're used to the sort of dragging elements Italian cinema is especially known for, the general classic philosophy of their filmmaking being that 'cinema is about the art and the experience, not the plot or the philosophy of being concise.' Taking that into consideration, there's quite a bit of plot in this that you wouldn't otherwise expect. A mad scientist tortures his adulterous wife to death, uses her blood to youthen their maid (who is obviously his dish on the side), then marries her step (or half) sister to get the family property and fortune...did I mention Barbara Steele is in dual roles? Barbara Steele is in dual roles.

A great film for the approaching holiday season. Check it out as soon as possible, and especially if it's dark and stormy in your neck of the woods. You won't regret it.

Horror Flick of the Week: The Shrine (2010)

I feel like horror is one of the few genres that tends to truly suffer if you reveal the ending of a story. That, and obviously mysteries or thrillers. The Shrine is a movie you should watch first, without any sort of spoilers, if you really want to see the story in its entirety and get the most out of it. Because...well, I can't say much. What I will say is this: when you are traveling, if the people in a village don't want you to be there...go away. Don't explore. Don't stick around. Don't argue. Just leave.

That, in essence, is one of the establishing factors in The Shrine that really helps set the mood. It's not merely a mystery, but a supernatural thriller. The best kind. Also, of course, best enjoyed in the dark at night...possibly alone, unless you absolutely need someone to cling to. On another watch, I realized this one still held strong, and that made it even better for the kind of story it is. Nice, creepy, and a sort of moral story (which all good horror should be, if you follow the premise any good, dark Grimm faerie tale.)

Please, do yourself a favor, and watch this movie. It's on Netflix...it's waiting for you. Also...maybe avoid the forest for awhile. Just in case.

Seancey Seances

There's something about the idea of a group of people joining together to make a misguided attempt to speak with the other side. Sometimes they do it with pencils. Sometimes they do it with tables. Sometimes even board games or bowls of water. It all goes back to blindly exploring the unknown, which MIGHT be pleasant, but more likely sinister. At least...from the perspective of a horror lover. Frankly, I think we could do with more movies focused on these sorts of people, because I've enjoyed many of the ones I've seen.

So for those of you who believe a picture tells a thousand words, I bring you some of my favorite illustrations and photographs of old seances. Enjoy! Be aware, though, that if someone starts knocking on your desk...you probably shouldn't answer it. And yes, that one is Harry Houdini.

Hieronymous Bosch Picture

Terror and morbidity are no invention of modern times. For as long as man has been able to think, he has been able to fear. Back in the late 15th and early 16th century, Hieronymous Bosch painted some pretty gruesome treats. If ever man has depicted hell on earth, I think Hieronymous did it best. If you'd like to learn more about him, or see more of his grim 'Where's Waldo'-esque scenes, check out this site.

Drive-in Trailers: Spooky Spooks

At long last, the movie trailers return...from the grave? Not physically, of course. It's only digital media. Speaking of digital media, let's watch trailers about ghosts. If you try to believe hard enough, that segue makes sense.

Drive-in Trailers: Based On/Inspired By True Events

Sometimes they say truth is stranger than fiction. Most times they don't, because a lot of people familiar with Cronenburg will realize he's pretty much stranger than any truth. But I digress. The following featured trailers are films inspired by/based on true events. Fun fact...looooots of films have been inspired by Ed Gein...

A quick warning that some of these trailers have graphic clips in them. This is not an advisable selection to watch with children or family :)

Horror Flick of the Week: Blood Creek (2009)

For some reason, I didn't think this one would be good. Even considering it was directed by Joel Schumacher. So what happened? I was proven horribly wrong in the best way possible. This. Movie. Is. Awesome. It's one of those rare newer pictures that just kind of drags you in within the first five minutes. It's perfect alone at night or in the middle of the day with friends, because it is just that good.

I suppose you're wondering why it's so amazing, though, so I won't keep you in suspense. It's like a combination of Warlock and Evil Dead with maybe just a taste of Nazis. I think we all know there's really no more despicable living villain than a Nazi. So when a Nazi 'doctor'/'scientist'/'nutjob'/'occultist'/whatever comes to a small farm in America, I was only left wondering 'what the hell is this guy going to do?'

Of course the only real ties the family that live there even have to the dude is the fact that they're German, which apparently means you can let Nazis come crash on your couch whenever the want. I don't know about you, but I think I'd start pretending I was from Austria-Hungary when this dude came to call.

There's a gigantic stone hidden on the property of the family with ancient script (runes) scrawled all around it. That wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that the guy staying with them and investigating the stone is...well...like I said, a Nazi. This doesn't bode well for the family, and even 80+ years on they're still feeling the effects of their unwelcome house guest, long after Hitler called it a night with Eva in their bunker.

Evan is a young man trying his best to help care for his missing brother's family, and ceaselessly trying to find out what happened to him. You'd think this would just be your run-of-the-mill mystery, wherein there's some kind of German Nazi cult worshiping Hitler trees or some shit, but then his brother shoes up and drags Evan on a strange trip out into the middle of nowhere. And we're re-introduced to the farmhouse. But...it looks like...could it be...the elder brother from the beginning of the movie is still the same age? WHAT?! I'll stop here, because I can't trust myself not to reveal more. But this is...god this is a good movie. Watch it IMMEDIATELY when you get the chance. Ignore the title. Ignore the massive disappointments horror has been generally coming up with for the past 15 years...just enjoy.

Book of the week: “The Essential Dracula: The Difinitive Annotated Edition”

The Essential Dracula: The Definitive Annotated Edition, By Leonard Wolf

(Obviously the actual novel bit is by Bram Stoker)

Get me drunk enough, and there are a few things you’ll commonly see me do: talk with an Irish accent (even though I am in no way related to anyone Irish), spout random French words from my old high school French class, and complain that nobody has ever properly given Dracula it’s due on the big screen. What does this have to do with my favorite edition of Dracula I’ve ever read? Well, I’ll tell you.

It is not easy to write an annotated book without getting heavy-handed, or filling the novel with footnotes that just aren’t necessary or interesting. A lot of times, annotated books just break down to defining a word a moderate reader might not understand, like ‘superfluous’ or ‘clatu virata nicto’. Somehow, Mr. Wolf managed to inject an interesting or useful note into practically every page. The footnotes themselves actually add to Dracula, rather than taking away from it.

In reading this edition, I felt like I had come to know more about the time period, the novel, and Bram Stoker himself. What’s more, since there’s just so MUCH information, reading it again has still left me feeling like I learned something new every time. It also convinces me a little bit more each time I read this edition, that a film has never been made which could compare to the book. Yes, I understand movies rarely are anywhere near as good as the books they’re based on, but you’d think after 50+ tries, someone would have nailed it in the past 90 years.

I recommend this for those of us who love Dracula, and for those of us who love history. There’s an earlier edition with lots of pretty pictures and illustrations thrown in too, but I haven’t gotten my hand on a copy yet. Ultimately, I think if anyone actually decided to do true justice to the story of Dracula in a film, they would reap the most benefit from reading this edition. Thank you, Mr. Wolf, for this wonderful read.

Grim History: Torture Devices

So skimming through ‘The Pit and the Pendulum’ this morning, I thought to myself about all of the grim torture equipment out there; I’m referring to the ones that aren’t for exercising, of course. Man’s greatest enemy has always been himself, as I’m sure you all know. Anyway, here’s a few that really give me some serious goose bumps…

Thumbscrew

I first read about this little sucker in 5^th grade. I recall the book describing it as a method of torturing slaves, or extracting information. Let’s be honest…those are usually the only two reasons beyond pure sadism, when it comes to torture…no matter the device. The idea behind a thumbscrew is pretty much self-explanatory. The thumbs are forcibly inserted between the bars…then the screw on top is slowly twisted, applying pressure to the digits, and ultimately cracking them. Not unlike pecans. Maybe it isn’t going to kill you, beyond the likely development of gangrene, but the pain could only be excruciating. What’s more, there’s really no recovering from pancake thumbs. If this isn’t bad enough, picture the pilliwinks…which really did look like nutcrackers. Those? Those were applied to ALL of the fingers.

Punishing Shoes

Moving on, let’s talk about footwear. Have you ever heard the story of the 12 dancing princesses? They go to bed every evening and wake up to find their dancing shoes destroyed. There’s more to it, of course, but I think if their father had simply given them a pair of these babies: punishing shoes. If you heard horses screaming in terror after reading that, you’re either watching Young Frankenstein, or you know just how these were used. They’ve got spikes inside the heel portion, and you’d have to stand in place wearing them, usually with something really heavy on your head. Maybe a matching hat…either you become the world’s greatest ballet dancer in the process, or you end up crippled for life. Now doesn’t that sound fun?

Wooden Horse

Sometimes when I’m having trouble sleeping, I’m haunted by two thoughts: a knife coming up through my mattress and impaling me for no reason, and riding an infinitely long metal slide that slowly narrows until it’s just a razor blade. This is that second vision made as real as it could be, and this is also why I wear pants to bed. It’s called the ‘Wooden Horse’ or ‘The Spanish Donkey’, oddly enough, and if they were mixed drinks I think I might take a pass.

Now that I’ve thoroughly spoiled your holiday season, or at least made you question buying a rocking horse for your niece this year…I think I’m going to just look at pictures of cute kittens to floss my brain.

Drive-in Trailers: HO HO HO-...rror

As Christmas approaches, a strange chill seems to settle over the world. The carnage of Black Friday has passed, but an even greater danger waits. From his frozen lair, the beast awakens. Clawed and grinning, Kris Kringle must once more feed on the children of-…wait, that doesn’t happen? You mean he’s a completely genial symbol of a joyful holiday bringing families together to celebrate the birth of the Christian messiah, winter, and togetherness? Damn. Well, now I suppose this list of Christmas trailers is totally inappropriate…but I’ll list them anyway.

Book of the Week: Bumper Crop

Bumper Crop, by Joe R. Lansdale

I’ve always been a pretty avid reader of short stories. They’re like little tiny books you can swallow in one bite, with plenty of space to spare. They’re like literary hors D’oeuvres, but sometimes…they’re not all good. Sometimes you’ll read one, go to the next, and then find it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Even Steven King is hit or miss with a fairly large amount of his short stories…

BUT THIS. Every. Single. Story. I loved them all. Deliciously dark, creepy, unpredictable. It’s insanely hard to find anything nowadays that’s written well AND unpredictable. It’s even more difficult to find a book of short stories that score every time in the awesome department. This book is one of the best story compilations I’ve ever read. Don’t read them to children, however, as they’re not nearly as child-friendly as Pet Semetary or Helter Skelter.

Lansdale has a way with words, and manages to create a world I would never want to live in. God of the Razor in particular is incredibly dark, wherein if one is cut by a blade of any kind, the ‘god of the razor’ will come out to take possession of him and transform the victim into a psychopathic murderer in order to feed the god with bloodshed. I wretched just reading this story…that’s no easy feat.

Drive-in Trailers: The Faust and the Furious

Often times, people just want to get ahead. Sometimes they’ll make very questionable bargains in order to do so. The essence of the Faustian deal is that in exchange for one’s soul, a man may get what he truly desires. But the demon in question can come in any shape. He can come in the form of the devil himself, or simply a man. But we all know who he really is…and ultimately the price is far more than anyone wants to pay.

Honorable mention goes towards the fantastic ‘Kanashimi no Belladonna’ (1973) which I decided not to post a trailer for, due to the fact that the content in question may be construed as a little ‘mature’.

Vintage Comics: Chamber of Chills – The Ghost of the Rue De Morte, How Death Valley Got Its Name, Weird Worlds (29-36)

Finishing up the final portion of this ‘Chamber of Chills’, the first story focuses on that age-old saying…curiosity killed the cat. Sometimes it seems being a skeptic is far more dangerous than it’s worth, especially when it comes to investigating an apparent ghost in a shady area of the city late at night. You’d think the man would have at least had a gun to defend himself with.

Then we get some fun facts about a group of people who struggled to get across Death Valley, and a bit of mythology. The ancient Greeks and Romans sure could be brutal with their stories. Anyway, it was fun to read this issue, but I still can’t let go of the nagging fact that there’s a serious case of excessive exposition…

Halloween Myths and Misconceptions

Halloween is a kid’s holiday nowadays. Oh sure, some of us more obsessive adults (especially myself) may still enjoy the festivities of dressing up, visiting haunted houses, having horror marathons, summoning the dead…but really, it’s marketed as a day for children. They put on their cute little outfits, grab their buckets and pillowcases, then terrorize local adults by demanding candy or promising pranks if candy is not delivered. It’s a magical time.

It’s also pretty dangerous. But, is it as dangerous as certain stories will have you believe? Do some adults really poison pixie sticks, stick razor blades in their apples, and round up local black cats for mass slaughter? Let’s consider these myths/stories and others, and consider the benefits of these tales.

Legend Number One: Your Kids’ Candy Might be Poisoned/Don’t Trust Strange Fruit

Look, there aren’t really any cases of this actually happening. There are movies, there are yearly articles in the local paper, and there are TV advisories. It’s believable though, because it’s possible. People always like to ‘debunk’ the candy myth, because the evidence is so scarce. There was a guy in ’74 who poisoned his own child with pixie sticks to collect the insurance, and he did indeed try to poison other kids too in order to make it look like there was a local madman doing the deed, but that’s one case…and it wasn’t even from a stranger. The rule of the myth is that it has to be random, not pre-meditated.

That doesn’t mean people don’t stick stuff in fruit, though. But when you consider it, any adult handing out nutritious things or pennies on Halloween is pretty sick. I wouldn’t put it past them to have something sneaky up their dastardly health-conscious sleeves.

The fact of the matter is this: check your kid’s candy. Not because of this myth being true or confirmed (which it statistically hasn’t been), but because someone will eventually decide to do it, and you can never be too careful when it comes from letting your kids eat things random strangers hand out to them. Don’t confiscate it if it’s safe, because that makes you a dick. Just be smart about it. As far as pennies go, don’t let your kids eat those…and the fruit? Wash it, cut it up, check it. That is, if your kid even wants to bother with the bruised apple that was probably sitting in some lazy guy’s pantry for the last 3 weeks.

Legend Number Two: Felix the Splat

If you’ve ever followed your local news, there are probably weekly issues with cats being beaten to death or maimed. Whether teenagers, kids, adults, whatever…some people are just sick. A lot of animal shelters refuse to adopt out black cats in October, just to be on the safe side. Now, online sources I’ve looked into say there isn’t enough evidence to support this…however, I’ve lived in neighborhoods where the black cat tradition proved true. I’ve gone to animal shelters where the people who worked there have seen it first-hand. So it’s either just a problem in the Central Texas area, or it is in some way true in other places as well.

The fact of the matter is this: If you have a black cat, there’s nothing wrong with keeping them indoors on October to be on the safe side. If you don’t like letting him or her inside, keep a kitty carrier, or maybe consider not getting a black cat next time you adopt. Frankly, no matter what the color, indoor cats statistically tend to live longer than outdoor cats anyway.

Legend Number Three: Bloody Mary

Don’t be stupid.

The fact of the matter is this: She doesn’t exist. Period. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Legend Number Four: Often, They Come Back

It isn't ectoplasm, it's just a really bad ear infection...

Samhain/Halloween/Dia De Los Muertos/Hungry Ghost Festival, there’s a common theme that the veil between the living and the dead grows thinner. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of scientific studies that confirm this. There actually aren’t really any at all, otherwise it would be a world news sort of thing, and it wouldn’t be relegated to the land of legend and ‘I heard it from a friend who knew a guy who had a cousin’.

The fact of the matter is this: There are exorcists out there. There are mentally unsound people who pretty much believe they’re possessed. There’s no physical evidence of the dead being able to visit you this time of year, but is the risk of becoming a plaything of Satan/nutcase really worth it? That’s really your choice.

Drive-in Trailers: Spelling Errors and Crazy Curses

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts, absolutely. I don’t think this phrase generally refers to literal power, like what a witch or warlock would have, but I think it can be applied. Kind of. Usually they’re corrupt already, and the magic bit just kind of makes them a little worse. How often do you see a witch on a broomstick that isn’t out to cause trouble for local farmers? Okay, maybe Kiki. But Kiki doesn’t count, because she negates my point, and I’d rather believe everything I say is the truth. So sit back, relax, and develop a healthy paranoia for that girl or guy in mascara who always seems to stare at you when you cut in line at the coffee shop.

If you've noticed a theme of 70s film in this entry, it's because they were obsessed with witches and cults. If you didn't already know that, well...----* The more you know...